Oh, McCool.. How do we love thee? Let us count the ways! No, don’t adjust your computer screens.. this isn’t a sonnet. Well in actuality.. it IS but this column isn’t. In celebration of MM.net’s four year anniversary, I bring to you: the Gay Man’s Guide to Michelle McCool! Join me as I bring you.. sporadic installments of all the reasons why I’m hot for Teacher, of which there are many, and why you too should jump on the ole wagon. Saddle up your horses folks, this one’s a barnburner!

It’s only appropriate to start at the beginning. Now, I have sworn to stay on my best behavior, considering the topic at hand.. you can only imagine how hard it was! Obviously I’m talking about the Diva Search. Much like Michelle, however, this is where our journey must begin. Any true McDrool will agree, upon seeing her for the first time.. The hot school teacher from Palatka, Florida: was just too plain. Vanilla. Now don’t go getting up in arms, just yet, listen! Because we also realized, there was certainly more than meets the eye. Duh, right? Good.. So you’re with me so far. Besides if you know anything about ice cream, you’d know Vanilla is the base for any other flavor, and with a minimum amount of effort.. it can be anything you wish. Cool it boys.. What I’m saying is, it took her virtually no time at all for her to transition into the mat technician she has surely become. Case and point compared to the “others,” ALL former winners included.. especially, the ONLY exception being, the Lovely Layla. Michelle has consistently improved. Oh, yeah, she’s got the moves!

Almost to the point that you forget she IS a Diva Search Reject.

Make no mistake, that is no insult. It shouldn’t be taken as such. The fact of the matter is this; being a Diva Search Reject is one of the very reasons why we love her! Fortunately for all involved, including Michelle, we got lucky. Now that the unholy institute, know simply as the DS, has been abolished; we can all rest assured in the ever expanding talents of our Diamond Girl! Look what could have happened had you “won.” Who wants to be a glorified hooker? Could you live with yourself selling your panties for food?

As I try to scrub myself clean from the thought..

Let me be candid for a moment. After running into some common writers block, Josie suggested maybe I should compare Michelle to the rest of the DS Girls. But if we’re being honest? That’s a waste of yours and my time. Considering Michelle’s in ring prowess rivals that of some of the best guys! I can only imagine her home work was always on time. Quiet simply, she does her research. AJ Styles, Christopher Daniels, and William Regal are just a few of the names that come to mind when trying to compare Michelle. One can only hope she’ll adapt a more aerial offense. Only time will tell.

It’s all about taking risk. Risk is an intricate part of life. Being of the homosexual (homo-sex-u-well) persuasion.. it’s my job to know these things! Besides, if there’s one thing I love more than Divas it’s more divas. If I were to compare her to someone outside of the business? Christina Aguilera is a name that comes to mind. Yes, I also have a thing for Blonde Bombshells. Because in my minds eye I’m a 5’11″ petite little blonde thing myself. So, it’s only natural that I am the AUTHORITY on the matter! Everyone needs a good gay man in their life. Luckily, via this blog I’m now here for you all. 24/7!

You may be surprised to learn, I know a thing or two about being a lady. It’s obvious our girl does too. That is ultimately why we all love her. She has seduced us all and did so without showing her kaslopuss (ka-slop-uss) in Playboy! If you’re to learn anything from the inaugural Divas Champion, at the least, you should all take a rule she lives by; don’t kiss and tell. As my all time favorite Marylin Monroe song goes..

“She acts like a woman should.”

If we can change gears for a moment, I’d like to say; stop the hating! We have to support those who deserve it At the end of the day it doesn’t matter what her bangs look like or what she wears to the ring. THIS IS WRESTLING! We are lucky to get ten minutes with these girls, as they are lucky to get any ring time. Not for nothing it’s called general up keep, people, something someone of good hygiene should be privy to. I’m sure she misses her long bangs as much as we do! Diva Fans are the most tolerant of fans, we take a lot of guff, but the ones we shouldn’t take it out on are the Divas. Especially, the ones who are worthy of our support, and who are willing to listen to the fan. I’m speaking on WRESTLING ability alone. It’s US versus THEM! Meanwhile, get familiar! Google yourself some Sara Del Rey or Daziee Haze, and if you don’t know who Allison Danger is… bless you.

But as it is we both play for the same team. As much as a sex symbol she is, I have the ability to respect her for the woman she is above anything else. More to the point. All I can say is this; Jeff McCool better watch himself! I’d have him scrambling eggs and that’s the only delicate way I can put it. Besides what good would I get from being her Gay if I didn’t get to pine over her brother? It’s all relative. Play on words, ftw!

Gay to McCrule translation;
“SIT DOWN!”; The act of forcing jealous girls down to the mat with a perfectly placed boot, to the head, neck, and/or chest area.

Term used in a sentence;
Josie: “Lmao, here comes your move.”
Bobby: “SIT DOWN!”

With that.. I’d like to leave you with a tip of the hat, Madam McCruel! As a fellow member of “Club Long Legs”.. you better work girrrrrl! You short people don’t know what you’re missing. Happy Anniversary, MM.net! Until next time.. HOLLA!