Breakin’ Down SmackDown Results & Media

This week on SmackDown, fans are treated to a new champion, same pity party. WWE Women’s Champion, Mickie James, hits the center of the ring, equipped with a mic in hand (perhaps a change from the usual corndog), and tells fans that, pretty much, good girls finish first. She’s been tortured, tormented, and even humiliated at the hands and devious antics of Lay-Cool, but staying grounded and fighting for what she believed in finally paid off. Oh, take it to Oprah, Mickie.

Beth Phoenix interrupts Mickie’s coming out party, and reminds Mickie, that while she may have had her moment under the sun, capturing the Women’s Championship at the Royal Rumble, she was busy making history by actually competing in the Royal Rumble. Sorry, but Chyna’s been there, done that, Bethy. A decade earlier, mind you. But she celebrates none the less. Beth reminds Mickie that at any time, any place, any where, she’ll be able to snatch the Women’s gold and become the new champion. Excuse me! I said, EXCUSE ME!!

Chime in the only baddest bizotch on the block that could hold a candle to Michelle McCruel, Vikki Guerrero. Vikki throws her weight around (not like Mickie, but her authority), informing both Mickie and Beth that if a Women’s Championship match were to take place, it’d be decided by her. She then tells the two new besties, that if they’re looking for a match, they’ll get one: with the true number one contender to the Women’s Championship, the fabulous, the fierce, the one, Michelle McCool (and her flying monkey, Layla).

We’re treated to a tag team match between team fierce & fabulous versus team butch & buffet. Michelle starts things off with Beth, and it isn’t pretty. It’s rather annoying how meek and waif-like Michelle comes across as she stands toe-to-toe with The Glamazon. Michelle’s portrayed as though she both fears Beth, and also finds her as a domineering threat. Okay, so maybe we’d all appear that way, but when you’re Michelle McCruel, you don’t let on to your weakness. Beth tosses Michelle around the ring, almost like a rag doll, with arm lifts and pushes into the corner. Michelle, always one for the technical aspect of the sport, finds herself engaging in a serious of leg punishing maneuvers and submission holds. Ever the mark that I am, it was exciting to see Michelle square off against Beth, but… c’mon now, really? Michelle could kill some serious tail, and we know it.

Butch tags in buffet. Mickie and Michelle lock up for a bit, all before Beth nails Mickie in the head with a killer stinger. Awkward, but really cool! The enemy of my enemy is my friend, right? Wrong. While Michelle stood there for a second, pondering the many possibilities of shoe shopping and having some girl talk with her new bestie (you know, instead of actually taking advantage of the moment and pinning Mickie), Beth decides to level the playing field by sending Michelle flat on her ass, too. Beth leaves the ring with her usual snarky smirk, as Layla quickly accepts a pinfall via Mickie, just about as quickly as she entered the ring, telling Michelle she could finish the match. Great. You can walk to the next arena, Layla. But you’ll still look fabulous.

All in all, it was a rushed segment, but we still got our kicks. There’s no denying that Michelle’s loosing her momentum, as her actual career may be dwindling into the ‘comic relief’ segment of the show, but she’s good at what she does, and it all comes in peaks and valleys. She’s still the number one contender, and that’s all that counts. For now, anyway. On a side note, I do believe that it’s time for Michelle to invest in some new ring gear. She had a couple of minor ‘wardrobe malfunctions,’ where it was nothing too serious, but nothing as flattering, either. Oh, all mighty fashion reviews how we miss you. 2007 was all about the leggings, 2008 brought out the cross-stitching, and in 2009, Michelle gave fans the “booty shorts.” As Michelle chases the Women’s Championship in 2010, we’d like to see something a little different, something to change it up. If we issue you a fashion challenge, Michelle, would you accept?

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Screen Captures > SmackDown! > 02.05.10

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