Mar
23
CBS ruined my Thursday night this last week! At 7:00 Survivor was supposed to be on. But nooooooooo!! Even though they told all the viewers two weeks ago that the new episode wouldn’t air until tomorrow, I, of course, forgot. I really shouldn’t complain because March Madness was on and I do love me some college basketball, but still! Survivor has been one of my favorite shows since elementary school. Yes I know this isn’t being posted on Thursday, but I got the idea for this on Thursday and worked on it over the weekend. See where I’m going with it? Mmhm…
Instead of getting the real Survivor, we’re going to play Survivor with… The Michelles! Which on screen personality of Michelle can outwit, outlast and outplay all the others? Consider it a game of split personalities where the winner gets… nothing! Clearly this will teach CBS to not mess with my Thursday night show.
“Once the votes are read the decision is final. The person voted out will be asked to leave the Tribal Council area immediately. I’ll read the votes…”
The Damsel – Ahhh, yes, the token hot chick who uses her sexuality to get further in the game! It works, just ask Parvati from Survivor: Cook Islands. While I don’t see Michelle being someone to lay around and let the guys carry her around, I do think she’d be smart to use her looks to her advantage. I mean hello! Thirty some odd days in the middle of nowhere… They gotta get their eye candy some how and it certainly won’t be coming from Jeff Probst! While I don’t see this Michelle winning the game, she’d do pretty well. Once it got down to individual immunity and the others saw that she was a threat, she’d get voted out. She wouldn’t be part of a major alliance, so she’d be the easiest to vote off without ruffling the feathers of the other tribe members.
The Puppet Master – Ladies and gentlemen, meet your winner! Well, maybe not. But meet a Michelle who will be sitting at the final Tribal Council. I compare this Michelle to Russell, the insane player who found all the hidden immunity idols without any clues on Survivor: Samoa! He made all kinds of game changing plays and I think this Michelle would do the same. She’ll be arrogant, but why wouldn’t she be? Having all the immunity idols has to give you some sort of confidence! She’ll be the master manipulator and have no problem letting others do all her dirty work. She may be cut throat, but nobody said the game of Survivor was all about friendship and honesty. Her game strategy, her success in challenges and her ability to make others think how she wants them to think guarantees her a 1 in 3 chance at winning the game.
The Fan Favorite – Unfortunately for this Michelle, Survivor isn’t a fan voted reality show. Maybe if she was on American Idol…? Yeah probably not there too considering everyone who knows her, including Michelle herself, says she can’t sing worth a darn. There’s a plus to this though! This Michelle will probably be like Rupert of Survivor: Pearl Islands. She won’t win, but when it comes time for the fans to vote for who gets the 10,000 dollars, she’ll be the winner! She’s strong and she has good skills with the rest of her tribe members. She wouldn’t be the first one voted out, but when it comes down to it really being an individual game, the night she doesn’t have immunity, she’ll be out of there. At least she has the love and respect of all the viewers!
The Teacher – The other hot chick. The annoying hot chick. I don’t see her taking off her clothes for chocolate and peanut butter like Heidi and Jenna from Survivor: Amazon (although maybe for a can of buttercream frosting and pizza? Get that on hand, Jeff!), but she’ll definitely use her looks. While the Damsel can fight for herself, the Teacher wants attention and wants to be catered to. She’ll be the one on the beach, sunning until it’s challenge time where she’ll turn up the energy. Personality clashes will guarantee her flame to be extinguished. In fact, she’ll probably be the first one voted off. She’ll have no problem speaking her mind and usually the first person to tick another off is the first one to get the boot. Adios, Ms. McCool!
The Friend with Wrestling Skills – The lovable Michelle! The fierce competitor Michelle! I believe if Michelle were to ever really go on Survivor, this is how she’d play. I liken it to Ozzy from Survivor: Cook Islands. The way I remember him is that he was adored and holy cow did he kick butt in challenges! At the end he didn’t win, but he was the other guy hoping to win the game. Just like he was at the final Tribal Council, so will this Michelle. She’ll have a strong alliance because who wouldn’t want to be on her side? She’s likable and is victorious at most challenges, especially when it really counts. When it comes time to fight for individual immunity challenges, look out because this girl is going to be winning nearly all of them.
The Mean Girl – Nobody likes her. She complains and whines about the bugs and being hungry. Why she gets kept will be a mystery. She’s mediocre in challenges at best. She won’t be the first to get voted out because others need to get voted off first, but she won’t last more than a few weeks. It won’t take long for her to annoy and irritate the others. There can only be one alpha female at camp and it isn’t this girl. This is Survivor and there isn’t room for whiners.
The Personal Trainer – Nobody can really figure her out. She’s like Shambo from Survivor: Samoa, but without the crazy hair. Her quietness and awkwardness will get her sent home the second week. Sure she works around camp, but so does everyone else with the exception of a select few. She doesn’t really help at challenges, but she doesn’t hinder anybody either. While everyone else has started to form bonds and alliances with the other members, she’s just there and another causality in the game of Survivor.
The Bitch – The dominant lady of camp. How dominant can you be when everyone stinks and has dirty hair? Oh well, on the totem pole of tribal life, this Michelle will be at the very top. If you have something to say, she’ll have an answer for it. If you don’t like how she does things, too bad. She’s going to speak her mind and if she doesn’t like you, she’ll make sure you know it when it comes time for physical challenges. Think Jerri from Survivor: The Australian Outback, but with blonde hair. She’ll latch on to the strong ones, and not for a free ride, but because she believes she should be with the best. While the Puppet Master will really be the one pulling all the strings, the Bitch will think she’s in control. She’ll be doing all the dirty work and not feel the least bit bad for it. That’s a good thing because nobody will feel bad when they vote her out.
The Fighter – She’ll be like Candice in the current season of the show. In more ways than one. If any of you guys watch the show, look at Candice.. she’s like Michelle’s twin! It’s crazy! Michelle would play better than her of course, but I’m just giving examples by people we already know how to measure. Anyway she isn’t going to stand out except at challenges when being super physical counts. If she’s up against anybody as an opponent, she’ll knock them flat on their butts. She won’t really make any big moves though, so she won’t see the end. Everyone gets voted off at some point. (Unless you’re the winner, but that’s besides the point!)
The All-American Girl – The girl everyone loves. You can’t hate on this Michelle. She provides around the camp by making sure the fire is constantly going, getting water and if she could cook, she’d make meals too! Maybe she could just go for sushi, then again how hard could it be to make rice? Surely she could accomplish that. I would compare her to Sierra, the girl who came into the game sick and almost got voted off on Survivor: Tocantins, but because she decided to make the shelter before her other tribe mates arrived, she was kept. This Michelle would probably align herself with The Friend with Wrestling Skills, The Fan Favorite and The Divas Champ. The four of them would have a solid alliance because they all want to play with integrity. She would make it far, but not quite to the end.
The Girl Who Plays Both Sides – She’s back and forth and one of the more valued players for the better part of the game. This Michelle will be the swing vote in many Tribal Councils. She’ll be like J.T. in the current season of Survivor. She doesn’t want to make anybody mad, so she agrees with each, then makes up her mind when it’s time to write a name down. It’ll catch up to her though. Pretty soon a swing vote won’t be needed and she’ll be the one voted right off the island.
The Divas Champ – This Michelle has it all. Brains, beauty and brawn. It’d be like Ashley in China!! …I’m just kidding. Ashley doesn’t have any of those three things, nor does she have a title…or a job… Ahem!! The Champ would have a lot of history making in the game. She’d complete every challenge to the best of her ability. Not only would she have the physical part of the game down, but also the mental and emotional. Her along with the other three girls I mentioned before would go far in the game. However she will be the only one of them to make it to the final Tribal Council. Thankfully the way she played the game didn’t gain her any enemies. She’ll work hard, play hard and strive for nothing but the best. Failure isn’t an option.
The Friend – She’s the quiet one and doesn’t really have a set alliance. She isn’t considered to be under the radar or to play both sides though. She just wants to get along with everyone and keep the peace. She’s cute and she’ll kill a rat if she needs to, just like Natalie from Survivor: Samoa. The Puppet Master and The Girl Who Plays Both Sides will be the two that sway her to their side as the game progresses. Every week, someone has to go and she’ll be very expendable when it comes to saving their own necks.
The Wrestler – When everything seems like it’s going wrong, this Michelle will continue to have a positive outlook on the game. I’m thinking Stephenie from Survivor: Palau. Even when she was literally the last person left on her tribe, she kept fighting and so will Michelle. She’ll be physical at challenges and even if she gets injured (like Stephenie dislocating her shoulder at the very first challenge this season!) she’ll keep playing. “Never say die” will be how she plays the game. Even though she’s strong and people like her, for some reason or another she’ll get voted out. Sometimes all you need is that one last vote to get ya through, too bad Swings Both Ways Michelle sided with the other team for that round of voting!
So who wins? It comes down to The Puppet Master, The Friend with Wrestling Skills and The Divas Champ. If it was just up to me without other things to take in to consideration, it’d be The Puppet Master. Russell should have been the sole survivor last year, but apparently being arrogant overshadows the fact that he pretty much ran that game and played it harder than anybody before him.
The Michelle that would win the title of Sole Survivor, adding yet another title to her ever lengthening history making list, would be… The Divas Champ! Everyone on the Jury is still going to like her. Not to mention if she played a tough game, worked hard and won challenges, that’d only make it an easier vote. So yes, your winner of Survivor: The Michelles is The Divas Champ! The Tribe has spoken…
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I do not believe I’ve seen this said that way before. You actually have cleared this up for me. Thanks!
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